5 !!!!

I can't believe I had my first baby 5 years ago.

I'm not sure how this snuck up on me so fast, or how it's time for kindergarten already. When you have your first baby, people tell you not to blink, or you'll miss something. They are right, it passes quickly. Her birthday is this May, and she is so excited to be a 5 year old. Despite the trial of losing a sister, Maddie is doing well, she's a social butterfly when she wants to be and she is always ready for a new adventure. I think she will continue to amaze us as she grows.

Each year I take pictures of her just before her bday so we can look back and see the changes. Here are this year's pics:

Taking a Minute to Remember...

Click below to visit our memorial page:

Let's take a minute to remember these special little people today.

If you'd like to add your little angel, you can email their photo and name

to us at cmcm.support @gmail dot com

TMB

We are withdrawing our blog from topmommyblogs. Sometimes things move really fast, and you just need to slow them down. We are thankful for all of your support and votes. We will continue to blog, so stick around! (((hugs)))

Love This: Spring!!

I'm so in love with this weather and the plants. This is my first year where I haven't been either pregnant or taking care of a newborn, so I can finally tend my garden well this year and give it serious attention. I'm not babysitting this summer and Maddie and Jude are both old enough to play in the yard so it's gonna be grrrrrrrrreat! I just know it ;) I'm picturing organic veggie soups, leafy green salads, etc... Wish me luck, I may need it- it's been a long time. (Last year I was at the end of my third trimester with Jude while gardening and let's just say the weeds took over, the broccoli was taller than my extremely tall four year old, and the lettuce could have been mistaken for a tree. lol) Here are a few pics I took this past week.

Peach tree blooms

Cherry Tree BloomsApple Tree BloomsOur "squail" that's what maddie called them back when she first learned to talk.

On a somewhat related note, will SOMEBODY PLEASE inform my hubs that it is PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE to wear sloggers when gardening!?! He laughs hysterically when he sees me tromping around the yard in my sloggers. I can't be the only one who sports these, right?! (and P.S. I don't wear them to the grocery store, they're for home only).

Country Mom: Safety Rant.

After seeing comments recently surrounding whether or not crib bumpers are dangerous- I just have to throw the facts on here for you to see for yourself.

"While SIDS deaths cannot be attributed to a specific cause, we do know that crib bumpers have caused infant deaths due to strangulation or suffocation, which indicates that the dangers may outweigh the benefits. A study from Washington University in St. Louis (PDF) looked at infant deaths attributed to crib bumpers from 1985 to 2005 and found that 27 children under the age of 2 died due to strangulation or suffocation by bumper pads or their ties. The study also found another 25 children who were injured but not killed by bumper pads. "

Not all babies are the same- as you know- some of them will turn their heads when posed with a suffocation risk, others, sadly will not. It's much like using car seats. Perhaps you'll never be in an accident, but why risk it? Perhaps your baby will never be faced with possible suffocation, but why risk it. As a mother who lost a baby, all I can say is. Be smart, be safe. Your baby's safety is more important than that cute crib bumper.

And you should also note- not all SIDS deaths are caused by suffocation. We're not trying to scare you, or make you think you can completely prevent infant death, but safety is key.

Featured Guest Blogger

Check us out over here: http://survival4moms.com/about-2/posts/still-the-momma/

Country Mom: Sunny Day

I am thanking God for this sunshine and hot weather. I hear a lot of people complaining that spring never came and that it hopped right over to summer (it's been about 84ish) but I am QUITE ALRIGHT WITH THAT! LOL. I love the hot days and the cool breeze. There is almost always a breeze here, we live in a windfarm. Google that if you don't know what that is- they are pretty awesome! This past week he learned to clap and show us how "BIG" he is! :)
BIG BOY!

He FINALLY said Momma! I was on the phone with a friend when he said it for the first time, wish I'd gotten it on video, but hey at least he finally said it! (No dada yet either)

Sissy blowing raspberries on his face makes him giggle.

Oh, and I know I ask all the time, but--

will you support our site by clicking to vote-

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Country Mom: I did it without tears!!!

It sure was a close one, but I registered Maddie for kindergarten today without tearing up. I had to talk myself down quite a few times. I never thought I'd say that since she's my strong willed, bosses her momma, thinks she's right and I'm wrong- Child. lol... but I'm going to miss her!!! She won't actually start until August... but is that enough time for me to wrap my head around it? Hope so. She's not yet five so I didn't know if she'd pass all the little tests they gave her, but she did with flying colors. She can tie her shoes, knows all her shapes/colors, can identify about 75% of letters capital and lowercase, and can write words and spell her name out loud. It was one of those moments that made me feel like I did a good job as momma. We have been doing preschool work at home, but she didn't ever attend preschool- so I'm sure glad I purchased all those curriculum books and went over them with her each week.

I am a proud momma peacock today. lol. Can't believe my first baby is growing up so fast!
**********
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Our Big 10 Month-ers!

Look how big our boys are getting! They have certainly grown our broken hearts and brought us joy... We are so thankful for these little guys! Before long we'll be planning birthday parties. Planning birthdays is a bittersweet moment in time. We are gloriously happy to be planning 1st birthday parties for our little men, but at the same time- it's a reminder that Ethan and Lila spent their first b-days in Heaven. It will continue to be this way every year until we hold those precious little people in our arms again someday. I have a smile on my face just thinking about hugging Lila so tight and looking over to see Wendi holding Ethan. :)))

City Babe: Quinn

Country Babe: Jude

Showing off his clapping skills for sissy. Not much of a baby anymore- starting to look like a toddler.

This swing ride looks uncomfortable, but he thought it was great."Oh, Mom, Did you put these away? Cuz I'm not done with them yet."

"I'll just drag them all out again- one by one."

Pause.

This picture of Jude really has nothing to do with this post. I just love the bright blue of his eyes and the pop of the green bib in this pic. Just had to share ;) I'm posting today to let you know that you may notice a short pause in our posts for a few days. City Mom is still in the process of finding/buying the perfect house (!!!) and I'm chairing Vacation Bible School at our church with a friend. It's our first year and time seems to keep ticking away. So much to do, and so little time. You guys know exactly what I mean, I'm sure! Meanwhile I'd also like to get a yard sale going before the kids b-day party.

City Babe Quinn and Country Babe Jude both turned 10 months this week, we'll hopefully collaborate on a picture post of our two big ten monthers here soon!

Hope you all have an awesome week! Enjoy the weather. :)

When It Rains, It Pours...

I was talking recently with another mom about the responsibilities that rain down on you in the days following your baby's departure for Heaven.. Unfortunately there are so many difficult choices and matters to handle on top of all the grief you're already dealing with. If you're in the early phase following your loss, it's not a bad idea to ask someone to help you. In fact, it could be a giant weight off your shoulders to have someone take some of it on.

Not every person's experience is the same, here's a few of the things we had to deal with.

I had to argue with the insurance to pay the late claims that came through. They kept informing me that she wasn't on our policy. She HAD been on our policy until the day she passed, as per our insurance's policy to remove people on their day of passing. I was super angry each time I had to make a phone call regarding this, I finally took some advice from a wise friend and when I had a rude representative, I'd ask for their supervisor- promptly report their lack of compassion and ask for someone else to handle my call.

I had bills show up all the way up to ONE YEAR after her death. ONE YEAR? Talk about being behind on your billing. This is one of the things that was hard to deal with. My husband started gathering the mail each day and setting aside insurance bills on Fridays, then giving them to me on Mondays. I couldn't handle knowing that I had two + days over the weekend of which I could not call someone and handle my issues with their bills.

We had quite a bit of medical debt stacked up considering we'd
a.) just had a baby and had a doctor's bill
b.) our baby had a 13 day stay in the NICU for cleft palate (They tried to charge us $22,000)
c.) We had medical debt and an ambulance bill from the dreaded morning she left us.
and
d.)funeral costs, casket, a stone, plus the cost of a burial plot in the cemetery.
I highly recommend asking for financial assistance in situations like this. Ask for payment plans, write offs, anything you can to ease the burden of the debt.

I also received tons of other painful things in the mailbox: American baby magazines, formula samples, 1st Birthday celebration magazines, etc. My husband was super supportive by sorting mail before bringing it in the house and tossing the things that would bring tears. There were also hundreds of sympathy cards. Some days I just didn't open them. I stacked them up and waited for a different day to open them.

I'd never planned a funeral before. Choosing the little cards to hand out, the casket, what to put on her, what to put in the casket with her, what cemetery to go to, what we wanted on the stone, when to have the funeral, where to have the service, what to say at the funeral, these are just some of the things that had my head spinning. I wish I'd asked for more help, a bigger support group to go to all the meeting with me. We did, however, take our pastor with us- from our church. It was nice for us to "not be alone" during that time. If I had to do it over again, I would have gone in there with a friend up under each arm to carry me.

I won't go into my awful dealings with the coroner, the autopsy and the cps, I've gone through that in previous posts.. but those were added to my giant emotional heap. But thankfully we had a wonderful woman who prepared Lila for burial. She cried along with us, and told us she'd take care of her as if she were her own child. She was super compassionate and kind.

I know there's a lot more than this, but right now they aren't coming to mind. Please take my advice if you're still in the early stages post loss and ask for help! You'd be surprised how many people will reach out to help you pull through this rough time. And if you're reading this and you're not a SIDS mom, but know a SIDS mom PLEASE reach out and do as much for her as you possibly can. You cannot imagine how much it will help and how much she'll love you for it later. She may not be able to thank you for it now, and she may seem ungrateful (that's the anger and hurt caused by the loss) but trust me- She needs you!

Note:
I say *she* a lot in my posts, I want to note that daddies need to be helped, remembered, loved and supported too.

Spring Cleaning: Day Two.

You'd be proud of me, I just know it. On spring cleaning day two (remember i decided to just tackle one room a day- and really tackle it!) I tore Maddie's room completely down, swept everything, cleaned windows, organized everything (she gives the term "pack rat" new meaning.)... Then I put everything back together but in all new spots. Whew, I'm tired. I took a break today and went to the grocery store (wait- is that a break if you have to take children with you?) Anyway, here's the finished product- room completely together and done for the year. I will tear it apart and clean it thoroughly again next spring. Until then, keep your fingers crossed and hope her "pack-rat" tendencies vanish. (PS She's going for kindergarten registration next week!! I can't BELIEVE my child is going to school!)Yeah, it's pretty girly in there. And kinda shabby chic (my husband calls my style crappy-chick. lol. I think he's kidding. But who knows. haha.)

And the winner is......

The Winner of our ADORABLE etsy necklace is......

Lucky number seven! : 7. becca (becca7903)

please email us your address within 48 hours, Becca! Thanks!!!

(cmcm.support [at] gmail [dot] com)

Etsy Necklace Giveaway: Closed Today.

We'll be announcing the winner of our giveaway today, stop back later for the results!

Spring Cleaning, Turning up Treasure.

I set out to spring clean this week. One room per day.
I told myself I wouldn't wuss out and do the basics- I'd tear everything apart and put it back together in perfect order. Today I worked on the kitchen. I emptied all the cabinets, drawers and the pantry. I sorted out items for a yard sale, items for goodwill and put everything back carefully. Then it was time for the floors, which the floors led me to pulling out the stove and the fridge to clean behind them too. Upon pulling out the fridge (don't tell the husband I did this, I have a bad back and he'll shoot me for moving the fridge) I found an assortment of things behind it that had fallen from the top. The last time the fridge was moved was oh, say - '06?


My pile of findings (after the dust bunnies were removed) equalled this- three hair ties, a penny, a tube of chapstick, a John Deere pen and this card....
A long lost sympathy card from 2008 when Lila passed away. We had rec'd two identical cards from members of our church family, one went into her sympathy card scrapbook, this one- forgotten and lost behind an appliance.


What a beautiful little pick me up and reminder for my family. I'll never forget how I cried when I found this card in my mailbox. The pure joy on Jesus' face as he's hugging this boy is enough to grab you by the heart. What an amazing picture. I'm glad my spring cleaning turned up some treasure.


Dear Lila, I miss you so much, but when I think of you in the arms of Jesus- just like this picture shows- I am so thankful to know you are in the care of our creator and you are safer than I could imagine. I love you.

To Answer Your ?'s

I had quite a few emails in my inbox today requesting links, so I thought I'd save time and post them right here.

If you'd like to add your sweet baby's photo to our memorial photo page, please email it to: cmcm.support@gmail.com, Please include your name, the baby's name and their dates. Thanks!

The link to vote for our site is:http://www.topmommyblogs.com/blogs/in.php?id=ccbower
And yes, you can post it to your facebook or blogs, that's quite alright if you want to support us in that way. We really appreciate your desire to help! Voting helps keep our blog on page one where we can be seen by many moms. Being on topmommyblogs has helped us link up with 15 families so far! Incredible!

And yes, we're on facebook (this is a recent development) You can join our site as a fan on facebook by click this link: http://www.facebook.com/pages/City-Mom-Country-Mom-SIDS-Support/112284225457063?ref=ts

To become a follower of this blog, just scroll down and look in the left hand column under followers, it's easy to do, just click Follow and follow the prompts!

Thanks so much guys, for your desire to support our mission to reach out to other moms.
Sending hugs your way! :)

Guest Blogger: Petra, Twin Sister to an Angel.

I have someone very special that I'd like all of our readers to meet. Be sure to give her a warm welcome. This is Petra, she is a twin sister to an angel named Shannon. Here's their touching story.

******************

I've heard it said that if you are twin, especially an identical twin, you always feel like something is missing when you lose that sibling. Like something just isn't quite right with you and no matter what you do you will always feel that way. It is very true. I lost my identical twin sister, Shannon, six weeks after we were born. I've also heard it said that we have some kind of connection and I believe that to be true as well. The reason for that is because no one told me about my sister. My father wanted to keep it from me, for reasons I do not know. While I do not remember this happening, I trust my mother to tell me the truth, no matter what, and she has told me that the night I found out about my sister I was awakened by Shannon and went into my mom's room and asked her "Who my other?"
As a mother, you feel the heartbreak, the sadness from losing a child and it's worse when doctors do not even know the cause. Yet, you have a few memories with the child to cherish after they are gone and to share with any siblings they may have. This is not the case for the siblings who were far too young to remember anything about the child. We just feel like we never got a chance to know them and how it is not fair that they never got to live their lives. God works in mysterious ways but I still feel guilty, every single day, for living when I was the one that was supposed to pass. When Shannon and I were born we were so small we had to wear baby doll clothes. We were born three months too early and the doctors said I was the one that would not live past 2 years old because I was always sick, always crying. Shannon was the one who never got sick and rarely cried, according to the pictures. Apparently, the doctors were wrong.

I have another sibling, an older brother, and while he lost her too, we sometimes forget that fact. Consumed by our own pain we usually don't stop to remember it. With each year, however, it gets a little easier, not much...but a little. I am always trying to find ways to remember her in a new way every year. While the pain never goes away, it gets a little bit easier. The only thing that gives all of us who have lost a baby (mother or sibling) any hope at all is that we will, one day, see that child again, hold that child. Maybe, someday in our lifetimes, we'll get to see a cure for SIDS or, at the very least, a reason for it.
After all the pain and sorrow, we have to move on with our lives because, had these children gotten the chance to live and thrive, they would not want us to be sad all the time. They would want us to be happy and to live our lives the best we can. I will never stop living my life for her. She is apart of me and always will be. I want to make her proud of me, even if she didn't get the chance to make her own family, start her own career, etc. I will do it for her and, I hope, one day I will get the chance to have some hand in finding a reason or a cure for this terrible thing that has taken so many innocent, far too young lives.

Petra Hall
PS. We were identical and this is what I look like so I'm guessing, she would've looked mostly the same :-)

Precious baby Shannon, Loved and Missed.

We know you will be reunited with your family in Heaven one day. :)

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Click HERE to visit.

We just added all the memorial photos to the site today.

Country Mom: Bittersweet.

Yet another set of images that have me picturing Lila sitting there playing along with them.. It's just one of those things I do and probably will do forever. But that's okay with me, I like to imagine her there with her brother and sister and wonder what she'd be like..

Peek a boo!

Oh, yeah? Let me show you what I can do.Kisses.After Easter Bunny!They wanted to pet the bunny and Maddie cried when I set all three of them free (far away from daddy and the mower!) She wanted to keep them in the house.. Not a good idea.Jude's latest and most hilarious milestone. Learning to poke and point. He adores poking sissy in the face while she watches her dvds. Poke, poke, poke, giggle, poke- after a handful of times she finds a new seat (further away from Jude and his chubby lil' finger.)

Don't forget, you can help our blog stay on page one and be found by sids moms,

we have met 12 families so far!

click to vote: http://www.topmommyblogs.com/blogs/in.php?id=ccbower

In Their Shoes... {{{Climbing on my Soap box}}}

Can you believe it's 2010 and the topic of infant loss is still considered a bit taboo?

In the two years since my daughter's death I have found a lot of support- but I still do run across the occasional person who asks me how many kids I have and regrets asking once I explain where #2 of the three Bower children is.

I hope in my lifetime to see a major decrease in the loss of these precious children. I also hope to see the doors of communication opening up & acceptance of the fact that it is OK to talk about baby loss. We live in a society where it is acceptable to drop the "f bomb" and other choice words on national television in front of children, and it's acceptable to say anything you want on twitter- so why is not okay to express your pain, grief, and sadness over the loss of a precious child whom you loved dearly?

Let's break these unwritten rules and support people the way we'd want to be supported if we were in their shoes. Let's lend an honest ear that really does want to listen and not just frown and say, oh I'm sorry I brought it up.

I took a walk today through the cemetery where we laid our precious Lila Grace to rest, and I saw at least twenty gravestones dating from the 1800s through 2008 for infants and children. Can you IMAGINE what it was like for these mothers back then? Back when health care really was awful, when they got their siblings sick and these mothers had to face not one, but two or more child deaths in one year? There weren't support groups, Internet forums, or twitter friends to help them through the dark stages of parental grief. I can only hope that their faith in God was strong enough to carry them forward and help them face life.

We can't even begin to know what it was like to walk in their shoes... But I know for sure, seeing these stones today made me realize that support and the ability to support others is a gift that we should not waste.

Let's forge ahead together and make it acceptable to talk about infant/child loss.

Who's with me?

Images from the cemetery where our Lila's spot is.

They really made my heart ache for these women who suffered the losses.

Help!

If our blog isn't on page one of topmommyblogs we can't be seen & shared with other SIDS mommies. We can't do this without u, we need your votes: click on this link to help out. http://www.topmommyblogs.com/blogs/in.php?id=ccbower
Thanks for supporting us guys. We have met a total of 12 Sids families so far thanks to your help! ((((hugs))))

Country Mom: Easter Sunday

I'd like to start this post with a reminder that there was a reset, and without your support we can't make it to page one and reach other moms who have lost little ones. Please vote for us by clicking this link:http://www.topmommyblogs.com/blogs/in.php?id=ccbower

Thanks so much!

After church yesterday we had a small Easter egg hunt for the kids. It was kind of last minute, we ran out and hit eggs as fast as we could, but Maddie and Jude both loved it. It was the first time Maddie ever hunted eggs outside.

She found the giant pink egg and was super excited!

A basket was dropped and there were almost tears, but no candy was harmed. lol.

That must be one giant bird..

Jude was actually pretty excited & involved in the egg hunt for being only 10 months old. Brother and Sister on Easter Morning before church. Maddie must have been able to read my mind because during this little photo shoot she said, "I wish Lila could be here." Yep, I know. I wish Lila could be here too. It was a wonderful holiday, great to see Jude experience his first Easter, sad to see Lila miss it, but I know someday we'll all be together. That will be (for lack of a better word) Awesome.