Pics from Country Mom

Country mom and Country Dad escaped to the city this weekend. It was Country Dad's bday.Yes, I know this is an ugly hat, but when you're in the windy city- it's a must... Unfortunately I had bad hat hair and didn't want to take it off! The next day we headed to the park with the kiddos since we left them out of the previous day's fun. I loved watching the kids have fun at the park. It still weighs on my heart knowing that Lila could have been there running, laughing and playing too... but I know she's happy in Heaven.

When you have lost a child you look at sibling pictures in two ways, you're thankful for the children in the photo- and you're sad for the loss of those who are not. Life is truly a bittersweet experience on so many levels.

Tiny Handprints

If you want to see something amazing, visit http://www.tinyhandprints.org/

Tiny Handprints is a non-profit organization that offers comfort and support to people affected by the devastating loss of a child to SIDS. It was started by a couple who lost their precious 10 month old son, Jacob, in January of 2007. They created a "SIDS Survival Kit" - a packet consisting of items of particular significance for the journey through grief. Their goal is to reach newly bereaved parents with materials as soon as possible after their loss of an infant.

Stephanie of Tiny Handprints found me shortly after Lila passed away. She spotted our web link on the sids.org page and contacted me right away. The books, emails, and other resources she provided me with helped me through some of the darkest days. They were filled with words of understanding, encouragement, and love- but the most important part was knowing that someone like Stephanie was out there. It absolutely amazed me that someone who felt this kind of pain was willing to start up a non-profit so she could help others. Talk about a selfless, kindhearted, angel! It's people like those at Tiny Handprints that help the rest of us grow, and get stronger -so we can pass on the love later when it's our turn.

If you know someone who has lost a baby to SIDS, consider sharing the Tiny Handprints information with them. It's another hand to hold when they need it most.

With Love,

Country Mom

Remembering...

Our Sweet babies in Heaven

Ethan Edward Lila Grace We love you more than man can measure.

*************************************

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear)

and whatever is done by only me (is your doing, my darling)

EE Cummings

What NOT to Expect..

It's hard to explain the whirlwind of emotions you experience when you've lost a child. Everyone grieves differently... but one of the most important things to remember is NOT to expect other people in your life to deal with it the same way you do- or to expect too much of yourself. There is no comparing, no standard process, no magic formula to grieving. It is important to remember this - otherwise family relationships and marriages are often found in jeopardy when the expectations placed on one another are too high. Here's a little insight into our own experiences within this topic.. And remember- we are not experts, BUT we are mothers who have traversed this path and know what worked for us.. Everyone is different!



Country Mom..

I remembered hearing that men and women grieve differently. That was something that stuck in the back of my mind from long ago. I never knew that I'd find it out for myself at such a early stage in my life. When Lila died, I remember thinking how important it was going to be to make an extra effort to stay close to my husband. I didn't want to lose my child and my marriage. So we did our very best not to expect anything from each other, but to give as much as we could. The result was a good one- each of us giving equaled neither of us feeling shorted. In the end we helped one another nurse the wound in a way that was good for both of us. I didn't push him to shed more tears and he didn't push me to stop shedding tears. We noticed right away the gender specific traits are prominent in grief. Although we both missed her desperately, we didn't express it in the same way.

We started praying together, out loud, in our bed- every night before falling asleep. It was a good time to be honest with each other, ourselves and God. This is something we still do, after all this time. It made the lines of communication clearer and helped to draw us closer.

It has been a little over two years now since she passed away, and I know without a doubt, our marriage is stronger than ever. We've been through one of the biggest trials a couple can face, if we survived that, I'm praying we can survive whatever life still has to come.

As for other family members, your parents, your siblings, your other children- the same thing applies- you can't force them to feel exactly the way you feel. Trying to make people feel a certain way will only end in disaster. Love each other, and remember that you're lucky to have those people in your life! You never know how much time each of us has left.



City Mom..

After Ethan died, I remember finding it very hard to articulate how I felt. The feelings I were saturated in seemed so foreign to me at the time, and truthfully, I don't think my mind nor my body knew how to handle it all. Everything that had happened, happened so quickly, and it just didn't make sense to me; how my healthy child who I held and cared for, that I loved so truly and deeply, could be gone from me in an instant.

So many hopes and dreams,...everything, just slipped away from me that night that Ethan died. I had to put a lot of focus on a promise I made to Ethan; that I would never allow the pain and hurt of losing him overshadow all the good and joy he has brought into my life.

It was a daily struggle, but with time, I was able to make true to that promise.

But what did I learn along the way?

That you have to have some fight in you at a time when you feel like you've got nothing left in you. You have to dig deep and pull strength from places you didn't even know existed within yourself. And, most importantly, you have to decide that you want to learn to live and grow in a world again in which your child no longer exists. This is something that is easier said than done, but with perseverance, it IS achievable.

It is also important to remember to be patient with yourself. You may witness your spouse or family member seeming to be further along in their healing, and you're left asking yourself what is it that you're doing wrong --- but the truth is, as Carrie mentioned, there is no set path or set time for grieving. Each person will handle things differently, and forging forward with that understanding is truly important. My husband and I were brought so much closer by Ethan's passing. We cried together, we listened to each other, and we were in it together. My family was also very supportive and knew when to just listen... I remain so very grateful for all that they did for me.

My husband and I got matching tattoos in the few days following Ethan's passing. A single word on our wrists; a place where at a glace we would be reminded.

...to be patient with ourselves in our grieving
...to be patient with the world and others around us who may not understand all that we're going through
...and most importantly, to be patient to see our little Ethan again one day.

A Pic from City Mom

I'm so very grateful for this little guy <3 It feels so awesome to be able to share my day with him. I cherish every moment.

Your Angel's Birthday

City Mom..

Over the past two years, my family and I have found little ways to help include the memory of Ethan in things we do as a family. As a bereaved parent, I very much understand how important this is, especially when it comes to your child's birthday. For our family, a few small things really helped to ease our hearts on that particularly hard day; a day where our loss and pain only seemed to be magnified even more.

For what would have been Ethan's first birthday, we invited family and very close friends over for a gathering. In lieu of gifts, our family brought new books to donate to the Children's Hospital in Ethan's memory. We also held a family baseball game (this idea came about because we enjoyed watching baseball together as a family for the short time Ethan was here). We had t-shirts made for everyone of our favorite team with the number 1, as well as little keepsake baseball cards of Ethan with a poem on the back that I wrote to honor his day. We did have cake, but rather than sing "happy birthday", my husband and I said a little something beforehand, thanking our guests for coming and allowing us to fill what would have been Ethan's first birthday with wonderful family memories in his honor. We decorated Ethan's grave, and also brought out balloons.

Overall, my husband and I felt that the day turned out beautiful, and as best as it could have possibly been without Ethan here. Also, because Ethan was blessed with lots of very small cousins, the book donation allowed them to feel as if they were contributing in a special way too to help share Ethan's memory. Below are a few photos from our day.

The Red Sox bear sitting on the table was made from one of Ethan's baby blankets.

Decorations at Ethan's spot

Some of the books we collected to donate in Ethan's memory
If you'd like to see more photos from our celebration, you can Ethan's Memorial Site by clicking here.

Country Mom...

Did you read Wendi's story above? It's beautiful(!) and she is one of the strongest people I have ever met- which is why I love that girl. She handled E's first birthday with grace. I, unfortunately, tried and failed. But everyone handles grief and different anniversaries in diverse ways. This is the story of Lila's first birthday...

November 7th of '08 would have been Lila's first birthday. My husband and I discussed different ways we could celebrate her... Unfortunately when that week came along, I felt the weight of that day and what it meant and couldn't bring myself to do much. So - we settled on the idea of a balloon release. We wanted to send out cards attached to helium balloons that explained who Lila was and how much she meant to us. It ended up being a rainy, cold and very dark November day- which fit my mood. I made it through the whole day with strength and quite peace, but by 6pm when Josh came home- the dam broke and I flooded the house with tears. (I received a catalog in the mail the previous week "Celebrating Your Baby's First Birthday". Not the proper publication for a mom who has lost a child, but to receive it the week before was just opening the wound on an altogether bigger scale.) So, after sitting down in our bathroom, in the dark, and just letting it OUT alone- I hit my knees and begged God to help me. I told him there was no way I could handle it without Him. Josh came in after this and had a good talk with me, sharing his favorite memories of Lila and telling me that we would make it through this. And he was right... God carried us through it and the days following weren't as difficult. I hate to admit that something as small as the weather could make the day worse- but it did. I wanted so much to honor her in a beautiful way- to release 86 balloons into the sky and watch them float peacefully upward- but the day wouldn't allow it. The balloons were getting splashed by big rain drops, shrinking because of the low temp, and barely rising above twenty feet. We had to keep catching them and throwing them back up. After about ten we quit, feeling defeated. The miracle and the amazing part of this day doesn't come to us until FIVE MONTHS LATER...

These pictures are of Lila's balloons struggling to take flight in the crazy wind and rain.

(If you decided to honor someone with a balloon release- make your message tags small, ours were weighing the balloons down because they were a half sheet size and were laminated.)

Here they are getting stuck in the tree because of a down draft, they did eventually let loose though. As you can see, it was not an ideal day for an event such as a release.

Despite the lousy weather, the balloons made it OUT OF STATE and we received correspondence in the mail saying, "I found this, this is amazing.. You have touched our family's heart... etc" One balloon was found by a man on EASTER Sunday which was awesome in itself. The balloons had sat through a Michigan winter, under snow, and the leftover scraps were found half a year later. This lifted my heart and put a smile on my face. I was grateful that even a nasty day couldn't stop our little one's memory from being shared. I was certain, as was the first receiver of a balloon, that God took it there. The first family who found one had gone through their own big tragedy the year before and it really meant something to them when they found our message in their yard during spring clean up.

We added a page to Lila's website for the photos from that day and to log the balloons found- if you'd like to visit it- click HERE.

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Q: What do you do to honor your child's memory on their birthday? Maybe you do something with family, or maybe you find it best to keep the day low key and quiet? Either way, we'd love to hear - feel free to share as much (or as little) as you'd like.

For parents who have yet to reach this first milestone, we realize how difficult this day can be. We've been there too. Just remember, there is no right or wrong way to handle such a difficult day, and we encourage you to just do what you feel is best in your heart. If you'd like to talk, we are here for you! - You are not alone, so please reach out if you need it.

A Pic From Country Mom

These cheeks were made for kissing.

Dear God:

I know you had your reasons for taking our little Lila bird to Heaven so early, and I'm sorry I don't understand... but I thank you for the opportunity we had to love her and hold that sweet little girl in our arms. And-- thank you for the joy you've given us with little Jude and our Maddie Bird. They continue to grow my heart every single day.

Love, Country Mom

Big Bouncing Baby Boys...

From the beginning of '08 until today, Wendi and I have been close friends. We've been there for each other when the rest of the world didn't understand our pain. It was a long difficult road of healing and still is at times- but having that support is like a beam of light shining into a dark room.

After months of waiting and thinking.. Wendi and I both discussed how we thought we were ready to try again to build our families (and of course we talked to the husbands about this too!) We started praying for each other and being super positive about getting pregnant and forging ahead. In early October I found out I was pregnant and emailed her to share my good news. Her reply, if I recall correctly, was something like "Are you sitting down?!!" She had just found out she was pregnant too!

It was super exciting to get pregnant at the same time and share our thoughts and worries throughout the next forty(-ish) weeks. She knew what my fears were, and I hers.. How could we possibly sleep after we brought the new baby home? Would we ever be able to take our eyes off the new baby? Would we be prepared if we had another emergency situation?

In June both of our boys arrived safely! Our prayers had been answered! Born just five days apart, Quinn weighing in at 10lbs & 6oz, and Jude 9lbs & 9oz. We both had big bouncing baby boys!

Over the course of the next eight months, up until today, we found that time and love are what heals a heart. It doesn't heal completely- but a new part grows. And eventually- though you're still a worrywart, it does lessen and you learn how to relax a little. We learned that even though we have a lot of pain in our past, we can't let it take away the joy we have ahead.

If you've suffered a loss and are in need of a friend, please leave your email in our comment box. You're not alone in this, we want to be your support too.

We bought this...

Say hello to the Arm's Reach Infant Co-sleeper. We both knew that we would be a little on the over-protective side after losing our last baby. This left us in search of the perfect bed that wouldn't have us getting up every 10 seconds looking over the side to check on baby... So we found this product (http://www.armsreach.com/). Here's what both of us mommas thought about it..

Country Mom says...

I love it. Absolutely love it! Jude is my third baby - with both of my daughters we used a play pen, a moses basket, a bassinet, a crib, a cradle- nothing ever made both Mommy and Baby happy. With this bed, Jude was (and still is) in my room, right next to me, but not in my bed. It makes baby happy because he can fall asleep right next to mommy. He's close enough for comfort, but not in our bed! It made nursing him so much easier. There's no high side to lift him over, just enough of a lip to keep him in his bed. (Plus for a worrywart like me you don't have to get up and go look at him, all you have to do is open your eyes because he's right there.) Now that he's bigger we have to put the side up and let him sleep in it as a play pen. We got a lot of use out of it, and will continue to until we're into the toddler phase. I have to admit when we first bought it, I was skeptical- it didn't look like it was worth the $200 we spent on it, but the proof was obvious when we had a happy sleepy newborn snuggled up in his co-sleeper. I highly recommend it! (Note- mine is the full size co-sleeper, the mini didn't look like it was quite as tough for the long haul- the mini takes up less space, but is probably best for those who will transition quickly to a crib.)



City Mom says...


This is seriously one of the best purchases I have ever made! I also purchased this in the full size because I definitely wanted something my son could sleep in for a long time. It is literally as if my son is sleeping with me in bed, but safely! It diminished the worries associated with in-bed co-sleeping, all while providing the same amount of closeness.


BONUS: It works perfectly with the HiSense Babysense Monitor we reviewed below! All you have to do is insert a board beneath the mattress to rest the sensors on (since they require a firm surface to function). So, consider using these two products together as we did.

Please note, the reviews expressed here are merely our opinion and based upon our own personal experiences with the product. We have not been paid for this review, nor are we affiliated with the company responsible for manufacturing this product.

Got a question for us about this product? Leave a comment! We will be certain to respond. :)

City Mom + Photos of Quinn!

I hate being the kind of parent who has more iPhone photos of her children than real ones, but I enjoy the ease of snapping a few photos of my little guy throughout the day. He totally melts my heart. Here he is today showing pride of ownership in his new found ability: deconstructing his playmat into a bajillion and sixty-five thousand pieces (at least he hasn't tried eating said pieces yet... FINGERS CROSSED).

I too cannot wait for warmer spring days. This kid loves the swing too much to keep him cooped up much longer.

On a side note, my husband and I have been house hunting lately and have yet to decide upon where we'd like to go next... what a HUGE and scary and exciting decision to make! AHHH! But, one thing is for certain, I'm ready for a new adventure.

Dear Life,

BRING IT.

Yours Truly,
City Mom

We bought this...

HiSense BabySense V Baby Safe Infant Movement Monitor

Let's face it... when you have gone through the heartbreak of finding your little one unresponsive- it's hard to decide what to do about your next baby's sleeping arrangements. It's a difficult choice. We know that ultimately it's up to God, but he has given us things to help protect our children. Can we watch them 24/7 ? No, but a simple monitor can help you sleep while your little one is sleeping. Read on to see what we think the pros and cons of this product are...




Country Mom says...

Though I do like the monitor, I knew it was going to take a lot of faith in God to sleep at night. I had to come to the decision in my own mind that I had to trust that he most likely wouldn't allow me to go through the exact same situation again.

This monitor seemed better to me than the ones the hospital provides with all the cords and wires because I didn't want to go that far- I didn't want to have to hook baby up before each bedtime and nap time-etc. It worked well, but - our fan did give us a false positive (false positive=a green light and silence as if baby is in bed and sleeping with no trouble- when in fact baby is not even in bed). As long as we didn't have "interference" it worked fine. We didn't have any false alarms except for when a sleepy mommy took baby out to nurse him and forgot to turn it off! Then everyone in the house woke up! (oops, my bad!) But- we did have one night when Jude was sleeping so soundly and breathing so slowly that he set the monitor off. It scared me, but I was thankful it went off because our little bean had rolled over and was sleeping directly on his face. So, all in all, for about $100 in was a good buy - but we SIDS moms know that nothing is really going to make us 100% comfortable right after going through the things we have- that takes time, faith and tlc for the heart. Also- be realistic on the monitor situation- all it does is alert you that the baby is not breathing - if you find yourself in that situation with the monitor going off- it's up to you to do some quick thinking. My husband and I took CPR and first aid classes after Lila passed away. We wanted to be prepared in the future to help not only our own children, but others as well. We highly recommend training-- it costs less than this monitor!


City Mom says...

When we first brought Quinn home, our anxiety and fears lead us to also bring home a *hospital grade* apnea monitor. We used it a total of two nights, and after several false alarms (literally watching him breath while it would alarm), we were absolutely done with it. With all of the cords and wires, and with how utterly terrifying the alarm sound was, we found that it not only added to our anxiety, it multiplied it to an infinite number. We know that some parents choose to go this route, but it just wasn't going to work for us. If you are considering a hospital grade monitor, please don't let this deter you. Every family is different, so no harm in trying to see if it brings you the comfort you desire.

For us, we returned it to the hospital and moved on to plan B: We purchased this Hisense Infant Monitor. While we weren't ready to give up on using some sort of monitor for the baby, we definitely did not want something quite as invasive and "serious" as the hospital monitor felt. The Hisense monitor was the perfect solution for us. After testing it vigorously, (we had to have some trust in this thing if we were going to use it with any sort of peace of mind) we found that it worked just as it described.

Before each use, we would "test" it to be certain there were no interferences (fans, etc.) that would cause any false positives, and once we got the hang of it, it was as simple as just pushing a button to turn it on when placing our son to sleep.

PROS:
-- Flashing Green Light shows baby's movements. For restless parents, this could help provide some peace of mind (it definitely did for us).
-- Easy to use once installed, and non-invasive. Nothing attaches to the baby.
-- It comes with two sensor pads, not just one. This helps for when your baby gets older and begins moving more... the 2nd sensor pad covers more surface area.
-- It alerts you if there is no movement after 20 seconds, or if it detects less than 10 micro-movements in a minute.

CONS:
-- Not portable for nap time.
-- While the alarm is loud, it may still not be loud enough to hear if you have a large home. If such is the case, I would recommend placing a baby monitor in your child's room to help carry the sound to wherever in the home you may be.
-- Price ($130-$150 range), but truthfully, it is worth every penny. If you're considering a home monitor for your child, let this be the one.

so --- YES! I would definitely recommend this product! Not just to SIDS parents, but to any and all parents out there.

Please note, the reviews expressed here are merely our opinion and based upon our own personal experiences with the product. We have not been paid for this review, nor are we affiliated with the company responsible for manufacturing this product.

Interested in checking out this monitor for yourself? You can find it here on Amazon.

Got a question for us about this product? Leave a comment! We will be certain to respond. :)

Some Pics from Country Mom..

Yep, we definitely live in the country.

It's a lonnnnng way to Target. :(

But I enjoy the quiet peace and the beautiful winter days.I am ready for spring though, these cold winter days keep us inside and the boredom leads us all to think we need to snack.. .like 24/7. Here's Maddie sharing snacks with Jude.

And again.. more snacking. LOL. He loves a good cookie.

City Mom..

Hello, internet! My name is Wendi and I am an absolute city girl at heart. I thrive off of the simple and smallest things in life; local book stores, warm hugs, city park benches for sitting, green grass for picnics, reading, snuggling, babies!, iced caramel macchiatos, DIY projects, crafty things, and mid-century furniture collecting... I could go on and on... but, even more important than all of those things put together, the very core of my being, is my family. My husband and I met in high school. After 7 beautiful years together, and on a warm summer day, we gave birth to a beautiful little boy named Ethan. Words could never express how seeing that little guy for the first time made us feel - instantly our world was a little brighter, our purpose a little clearer, and our hearts...how they began to overflow with such a love that we had never felt before. Although we did not know it at the time, our little Ethan would only be with us for a short while. At exactly 3 months and 15 days old, he passed away in his sleep, suddenly and unexpectedly. To us and his doctors, he was a normal, happy and healthy baby; but in what felt like a mere blink of an eye, he was gone from us. Losing him was beyond devastating and the grief that followed was something that life could have never prepared us for. We also went on to try again, and two and a half years later, we gave birth to baby boy #2 -- Quinn! At now 8 months old, he is definitely keeping us busy in the most wonderful of ways. As Carrie mentioned, having Quinn in our arms certainly has helped to fill some of the emptiness in our arms from losing Ethan, but truth be told, you can never replace a child that has been lost. Having others who understand what you are going through, all while providing a positive influence, is so very important. Carrie has been that person for me, and I don't know what I would do without her. --- Well, that is me in a nutshell - just a simple twenty-something girl, meeting life's challenges one by one, all while trying her darnedest to come out on the other end a better, wiser person.

Country Mom..

Where should I start? Well, I was actually an Eastern girl myself until about age 14 when my parents moved us to the Midwest. I met my husband, Josh, in high school. We started dating the summer before our senior year. After nearly 4 years of marriage we had baby #1, a spunky, strong willed little girl named Madelyn. 2 1/2 years later we had a tiny little baby girl who was calm & quiet, her name was Lila Grace. Lila faced many challenges, but all were fixable- like cleft palate, hearing loss in her right ear, etc… but other than that she was a beautiful, special little girl who would smile and melt your heart.. She passed away in 2008. We were never given a sure answer- they jumped from SIDS to pneumonia and back several times. Our pedi. informed us that sometimes there is just no way of knowing. Our hearts were broken, and that right there is an understatement, but there’s really no accurate way to describe with words how utterly helpless you feel when you lose your baby. She was less than a week away from being 3 months old. We went on to try again at building our family and were blessed with baby #3 in 2009... He was our first boy, we named him Jude. He helped heal our hearts and ease the pain of the loss. You can definitely never replace that little one you lost, but you can keep pushing forward in life and make every day count. If you’ve personally suffered from the loss of a child, I have to tell you- having a friend who knows how it feels is one of the main components of healing. It’s comforting to know that you can talk to some who “gets it” because they’ve been there themselves.
And well, in a nut shell, that’s a little about me and my Midwestern family…..so far.. I’m sure there’s more to come. Oh, and I'm a stay at home mom, I've tried working from home and working outside the home, but I don't like being away from my kiddos... so I've got lots of blogging, shopping and crafting time on my hands. That's all for now..

First Post

..coming soon..