4

Today would have been our Lila's fourth birthday.

It's hard to wrap my mind around that, I can't believe it's been that long. I find myself wondering what she would have looked like, and how close she would have been to her big sister.

Our lives would have been drastically different, that -I know for sure.

I'm thankful that God gave us the strength to keep going after her passing, to hold tighter to one another and to be able to manage the pain. We couldn't have done that without Him.

Feb 1

This past Tuesday marked three years since our precious Lila Grace went to Heaven.

When I heard the weather forecast was a blizzard and massive amounts of accumulation , it took me back to that night- three years ago -when it had been exactly the same. So much snow it took the ambulance 40 minutes to get to us. Somehow though, despite the painful reminder, we made it through the anniversary without a single tear. Our hearts are healing, and a lot of that has to do with our other children. I am thankful that God gave us the peace and trust to try again. I can't imagine what our life would have been like if we hadn't gone on to have our little Jude. Maddie and Jude are our precious little sweethearts.

It's been a hard week as all of us have been so sick, and to see the kids with high temps and sinus infections and to not be able to care for them myself has been difficult. I'm thankful my husband has been able to take some time off work and nurse us back to health.

Thank you for continuing to pray for our family and for supporting us. We love you.

September, October, November

Us three mommas have angel anniversaries/birthdays coming up and would be grateful for your prayers for continued peace and comfort as we forge ahead.

September 30th is the 2 yr mark since Abigayl went to Heaven.

October 20th is the 3 yr mark since Ethan went to Heaven.

November 7th would have been Lila's 3rd birthday.

Thank you to everyone for your love, encouragement, support and prayers.

Hugs..

Guest Blogger: Raychel (Momma of 1 on Earth, 1 in Heaven)

Country Mom here... Allow me to introduce Raychel. She and I met in early '09 through the Tinyhandprints site. We had a lot of things in common, but the biggest common bond was that both of our sweet little girls live in Heaven. Raychel's precious Abigayl (May 23, 2008 - Sept. 30, 2008) has a memorial website- click HERE if you'd like to visit. I asked Raychel to write a post about her balloon release in honor of Abi's 1st birthday because she pulled off one of the most memorable tributes I have ever seen.

Here's Raychel on Abi's Birthday Celebration:

When it came time to honor the day of our daughter’s birth, I struggled with how to go about it. I had seen on Wendi’s memorial page for Ethan -that they had a birthday party, and I really liked the idea. I had also been talking with Carrie about ways they honored Lila, and she told me about their balloon release, and I liked that also. After discussing it with my husband, he told me he wasn’t really comfortable having a “party” and cake but that it would be nice to have the support of friends on such a hard day. We agreed that the balloon release would be the best choice for us.

On May 23, 2009, we had a small BBQ in our backyard and spent time with very close friends. These friends and their wonderful children helped us release 130 balloons for the 130 days that we were able to spend with our beautiful daughter. Since they knew we did not want a cake, they brought butterfly shaped cookies. It was so sweet because we think of Abigayl as our little butterfly.

After the balloon release, we went to Abigayl's spot and took the balloons and the "flower cake" that we had made. Since she wasn’t here to blow out candles, I had a “cake” made from pink carnations with a number one in white flowers. It turned out perfectly, and it helped me feel like I was able to provide her with something unique on her special day.
As painful as the day was, it turned out so beautiful. I’m so thankful for the connection I have been able to make with Carrie because the balloon release was amazing and such a sweet tribute. I’m also thankful that Wendi shared her story on her memorial website. If I had not seen the pictures from Ethan’s special day, I may have still been at a loss as to what to do.
Our plan is to make the BBQ and balloon release Abigayl’s birthday present every year. I think it is the perfect way to honor her and celebrate her beautiful life.

Rusty & Raychel with Abi's 130 Balloons.

Filling, stringing, and attaching messages is quite a task, but worth every second.

Look at them fly! The #1 Flower Cake at her spot.

Special things for Abi's first birthday.

Thanks, Raychel, for sharing this special day with all of us. You guys did an amazing job of remembering sweet Abigayl and celebrating her 1st Bday. She is blessed to have you as her parents. (((hugs to you both)))

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Balloon Release Tips & Suggestions (We found some of these things out the hard way!)

*Be sure to have your release during good weather, it is a hard enough day- don't add bad weather to your list of frustrations.

*Be sure to stay far away from trees and power lines so balloons don't get tangled or wasted.

*Laminating your memory tags is a good way to preserve the info on the paper, but keep them small (postcard size) otherwise the balloons will struggle with the weight.

*Send a couple off at a time or they will tangle together.

*add an email address or a web address where people can contact you when they find them.

*Be patient, sometimes it can take months to get a response from a release.

*Renting a helium tank is best for any amount over 10, the tanks they sell at your local party store say they blow up 25-30, but usually don't go that far.

*Enjoy yourself and remember the beautiful reason you're doing it, don't put too much pressure on yourself to make it perfect.

If you have any further questions, feel free to contact us!

Your Angel's Birthday

City Mom..

Over the past two years, my family and I have found little ways to help include the memory of Ethan in things we do as a family. As a bereaved parent, I very much understand how important this is, especially when it comes to your child's birthday. For our family, a few small things really helped to ease our hearts on that particularly hard day; a day where our loss and pain only seemed to be magnified even more.

For what would have been Ethan's first birthday, we invited family and very close friends over for a gathering. In lieu of gifts, our family brought new books to donate to the Children's Hospital in Ethan's memory. We also held a family baseball game (this idea came about because we enjoyed watching baseball together as a family for the short time Ethan was here). We had t-shirts made for everyone of our favorite team with the number 1, as well as little keepsake baseball cards of Ethan with a poem on the back that I wrote to honor his day. We did have cake, but rather than sing "happy birthday", my husband and I said a little something beforehand, thanking our guests for coming and allowing us to fill what would have been Ethan's first birthday with wonderful family memories in his honor. We decorated Ethan's grave, and also brought out balloons.

Overall, my husband and I felt that the day turned out beautiful, and as best as it could have possibly been without Ethan here. Also, because Ethan was blessed with lots of very small cousins, the book donation allowed them to feel as if they were contributing in a special way too to help share Ethan's memory. Below are a few photos from our day.

The Red Sox bear sitting on the table was made from one of Ethan's baby blankets.

Decorations at Ethan's spot

Some of the books we collected to donate in Ethan's memory
If you'd like to see more photos from our celebration, you can Ethan's Memorial Site by clicking here.

Country Mom...

Did you read Wendi's story above? It's beautiful(!) and she is one of the strongest people I have ever met- which is why I love that girl. She handled E's first birthday with grace. I, unfortunately, tried and failed. But everyone handles grief and different anniversaries in diverse ways. This is the story of Lila's first birthday...

November 7th of '08 would have been Lila's first birthday. My husband and I discussed different ways we could celebrate her... Unfortunately when that week came along, I felt the weight of that day and what it meant and couldn't bring myself to do much. So - we settled on the idea of a balloon release. We wanted to send out cards attached to helium balloons that explained who Lila was and how much she meant to us. It ended up being a rainy, cold and very dark November day- which fit my mood. I made it through the whole day with strength and quite peace, but by 6pm when Josh came home- the dam broke and I flooded the house with tears. (I received a catalog in the mail the previous week "Celebrating Your Baby's First Birthday". Not the proper publication for a mom who has lost a child, but to receive it the week before was just opening the wound on an altogether bigger scale.) So, after sitting down in our bathroom, in the dark, and just letting it OUT alone- I hit my knees and begged God to help me. I told him there was no way I could handle it without Him. Josh came in after this and had a good talk with me, sharing his favorite memories of Lila and telling me that we would make it through this. And he was right... God carried us through it and the days following weren't as difficult. I hate to admit that something as small as the weather could make the day worse- but it did. I wanted so much to honor her in a beautiful way- to release 86 balloons into the sky and watch them float peacefully upward- but the day wouldn't allow it. The balloons were getting splashed by big rain drops, shrinking because of the low temp, and barely rising above twenty feet. We had to keep catching them and throwing them back up. After about ten we quit, feeling defeated. The miracle and the amazing part of this day doesn't come to us until FIVE MONTHS LATER...

These pictures are of Lila's balloons struggling to take flight in the crazy wind and rain.

(If you decided to honor someone with a balloon release- make your message tags small, ours were weighing the balloons down because they were a half sheet size and were laminated.)

Here they are getting stuck in the tree because of a down draft, they did eventually let loose though. As you can see, it was not an ideal day for an event such as a release.

Despite the lousy weather, the balloons made it OUT OF STATE and we received correspondence in the mail saying, "I found this, this is amazing.. You have touched our family's heart... etc" One balloon was found by a man on EASTER Sunday which was awesome in itself. The balloons had sat through a Michigan winter, under snow, and the leftover scraps were found half a year later. This lifted my heart and put a smile on my face. I was grateful that even a nasty day couldn't stop our little one's memory from being shared. I was certain, as was the first receiver of a balloon, that God took it there. The first family who found one had gone through their own big tragedy the year before and it really meant something to them when they found our message in their yard during spring clean up.

We added a page to Lila's website for the photos from that day and to log the balloons found- if you'd like to visit it- click HERE.

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Q: What do you do to honor your child's memory on their birthday? Maybe you do something with family, or maybe you find it best to keep the day low key and quiet? Either way, we'd love to hear - feel free to share as much (or as little) as you'd like.

For parents who have yet to reach this first milestone, we realize how difficult this day can be. We've been there too. Just remember, there is no right or wrong way to handle such a difficult day, and we encourage you to just do what you feel is best in your heart. If you'd like to talk, we are here for you! - You are not alone, so please reach out if you need it.