I have yet to write my story on my personal blog, I guess to spare my loved ones who do not need to know the details. I feel that I can release a little more on here since I surrounded by women who understand my story and my pain.
Abigayl was taking her afternoon nap and I decided to put in a movie. I knew it was time for her to get up but thought she was sleeping so well that I would let her sleep a little longer. When another 30-45 minutes had passed and she still wasn't up, I knew I needed to wake her if I wanted her to stay on her schedule.
It's kind of weird, I knew the minute I opened her door that something wasn't right. I think it was God's way of preparing me for what was to come.
I went to her crib and the blanket she had slept with since she was born was over her head, which was normal for her. When I pulled back her blankie there was blood in her crib. I picked her up and immediately called 911. The dispatcher walked me through CPR and I spent what felt like eternity doing CPR on Abigayl until the Fire/Ambulance got there. I knew that what I was doing wasn't going to help. I just knew. It was hard to continue on knowing that no matter what, I couldn't bring my baby back to me.
One of the fireman called Rusty and told him he needed to come home quickly. I'm so thankful that he was working in our area that day. Not only was he able to make it home swiftly but he was also able to come home on his lunch hour and play with Abigayl.
From the moment Rusty walked through the door he comforted me and never once blamed me. I'm so thankful that he never saw it as my fault. I'm blessed with a very loving husband.
At the hospital, I had to give my statement to an officer. While telling him what happened, I told him that I wished I would have had one of my neighbors get the bedding out for me. I knew that it would be hard to go back in her room later to her sheets. That very nice, amazing officer not only went back and took the bedding for me but he also showed up to Abigayl's service.
I'm so thankful that I had the support from all over to help me muddle my way through life during the days, weeks and months to follow. The main thing for me was leaning on my faith and placing my sorrow in the hands of God. I also leaned on Rusty because he was the only one who knew the loss I was going through.
I look forward to sharing more of my journey with all the moms out there who are sadly on the same journey and long road that I'm on. Together we can make it.