I felt compelled to write this post after two awkward introductions this weekend. No offense to those who introduce me, but well, please remember- I have three kids. Not two. One may be in Heaven, but she's still my daughter. I'm still her momma. That.Will.Never.Change.
It always goes down the same basic way, "Hello So-and-so- this is Carrie, and this is little Jude and she also has a daughter named Maddie." Then the speaker turns to me and gives me an awkward look like- do I say it? Do I say you had another? Sure, yes! It doesn't hurt me when you say it, it hurts me when you don't. Am I rehashing this too much ? Perhaps, but - if others have walked a mile in my shoes they probably feel the same way. I birthed her, loved her, knew her better than any other human on Earth could have known her, and committed her forever to the depths of my heart as one of my very own children. There's no forgetting that, no pretending it didn't happen- and why would i want to?!
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Lila Grace at 1 hour old. Staring into those sweet eyes, not knowing she wouldn't be here long.
I celebrate this blessing of a child, she wasn't here with us for very long (just 3 months), but she is part of our family, our hearts, and one day when we die, we've been told we'll be reunited with her. God gave me that promise, and I'm banking on it. So, in short, I just wanted to say: Hello, my name is Carrie, and I have three children.
I totally can relate. I have four children, Kenzi I lost when I was 6 months pregnant. Just because she is not here does not mean she is not my baby! I am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment, It's nice to know I'm not alone in the need to keep her memory alive. Our babies are important parts of who we are!
ReplyDeleteWell said. I just found your blog on top mommy blogs. So glad I did.
ReplyDeleteGreetings! My name is Caroline Campbell...I am a proud angel mummy to a precious baby boy..Isaiah..I am not sure if you may remember me by name but I have left a candle message or two for your beautiful angel Lila on lastmemories.com..but may have forgotten to leave a password to access his page ( a simple oversee that I apologize for)..it is private for personal reasons I don't wish to discuss..but would gladly welcome you to light candles or leave grahics if you wish to..it is such a relief to have the support from another mother who has been there in my shoes. for so long I felt silenced or judged..like I couldn't talk about my baby simply because he "Isn't here" and that if wanted to "share" his memory, I should only do so amongst my family or those who would understand..well for me, I am honored and blessed to be a mother of an angel..and I am proud to talk about him in every way that counts as well as share and display photos, memories, etc.. because he was and ALWAYS will be a part of our family..and if others can find no reason to understand or accept that I have 3 beautiful sons, then that's their problem to solve in hopes one day they will..until then, I will just like to comment and tell you, that I think this site is one of many that will offer much relief and support to all those hurting mummies and ( daddies even) as well as deliver some insight to guide viewers through a story of love, loss and healing.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you and yours......Caroline
P.S..I found this blog on little angel Ethan's page as I was lighting him a candle..so glad I did:)
I am so happy to read this. I have 2 children one in heaven and one here with me but people assume you dont want that angel baby talked about, that makes me so mad. He is my son even though I can not hold him in my arms God is holding him for me until I get there. I love both of my sons with all my heart ALWAYS & FOREVER!
ReplyDeleteHeavenly Angel: Treyton
Earth Angel: Lyric